| So I felt like writing today. Today wassnt a very good day for me! I went to the gym this morning....which that part went well...i actually did some exercise which i havent in about a billion years,,,,but anyways, so on the way back to my friends dorm it starts pouring rain, but emphasis on the pouring. So she lends me a t-shirt and I had my sweat pants so YAY im dry now. We go downstairs and eat something and then I take the bus home cuz it was still raining a bit. The bus stop from my house is like a long block so when I get off....of course it starts pouring again and once again Im soaked!!!! Get home take a shower and then go outside to use the phone(since I have no reception in my room..ie basement) and I talk to my phone company cuz they over charged me for soemthing and when I go back inside Im walking down the stairs and crash!!! I fall on my ass and right on the bone too.....Im sitting there in so much pain. I also scraped my hand with my watch, and Im sitting there thinking....fuck this hurts and there is no one around to help me up. I get extreamly upset by this thought. This is the part of becoming a grown up that I dont think I am ready for. I wanted someone to run to me and help me and get me some ice or just to be there with me, but I live by myself and there is no one around. So now I get really angry and I get up and look for my phone to call my mom and bitch at her cuz I get really upset by all this, and then I notice my phone is no where to be found. Nor the papers I had in my hand, nor the pen, nor ANYTHING. Wtf? So I am looking around until I notice at the side of the stairs there is a little crack. I look inside and find my papers there. But nothing else. Then I notice that this crack leads to the whole bottom side of the stairs. And I notice that you can lift the stairs, but they are extreamly heavy and once again I get all sad cuz I am living on my own and have no one there to help me what so ever. An hour later I get my phone out and life is good again. But I am still really angry at these thoughts I was having so I go outside to call my mom. WHile I go up the stairs out side, I fuckin slip again and hit the edge of the stairs with my shin, and that hurts like a bitch even more! So I call my mom and talk to her and tell her how angry I was that I am living by myself and I have no one there for me! She, of course, has always encouraged me to move to BC with her and to study there and now that my bro is moving there we can actually all live there happily and like an actual family. I was talking to my friend Jorge and he wants to move back to BC too and he tells me that I should move out there with my mom and that way we can also still be friends. And now that I think about it, its not a bad idea but I dunno. I dont want to upset anybody...ie my dad and Susy. Im starting to notice I am not as tough as I thought I would be. And I dont like feeling like that. Everyone always needs a little help but not me. I hate reciciving help from others, hate asking for help for that matter. I love helping people and seeing their thoughts and such...but I am not big in sharing my thoughts or my feelings. Another thing that I am screwed in is money. Or lack of.....I am literally broke. I have $140 to my name and thats it. I have no idea where my money went....well I do...Tution, rent, books, clothes, grocery shopping and fuckin phone bills. But it amazes me how it disappers so fast. When I lived at home it wasnt really that big a deal cuz I worked and my parents payed for everything, and now........nothing. I have no idea what im gonna do. My bro is coming to visit me next weekend and I want to take him out but with what? And I really want to dress up for Halloween but I guess, like always, I am going to pull somehting stupid out of my closet. I have never done something crazy for Halloween and I thought maybe this time I would but I guess not. That sucks! Although I have an awesome friend, Jorge, who I know will make it fun and I dont have to worry about money with him....but once again, I hate asking for help....let alone money. Hmmm....I actually like this idea of writing down all my thoughts.....there we go...just thought of a solution, instead of asking people for help, Ill self analyze myself!!! What better way to become a psychologist than starting with your own self. Anyways, I doubt any one will read this and I really dont care cuz I helped me calm down. I miss chicago so much. Ottawa is cool, dont get me wrong, but it is missing some kep people to make it greater. Cynthia, Vero, Juan...and honestly with those 3 people I think I would be the happiest. But thats why I love my life so much now, even though I am going through so mych shit(i didnt name everything that is going on....just what happend today) I would be able to learn. Today I learned I have no money managment skills, and not to walk down those stairs when I am wet...lol. And thats why I am soo happy, in a sense, what better way to learn than to experiance? Xoxo |
